So as a North Carolinian I have spent the last week hearing tales of Southern Snow-pocalypse 2014. Students trapped at schools! Cars in ditches line the streets! Atlanta is no more!
As a North Carolinian moving to Wisconsin in the next month, I’ve also been warned of the record low temperatures the midwest is experiencing. “It won’t actually feel that bad. Just don’t stop moving, or you will die.”
So one has to ask: what do you wear to a Polar Vortex?
Truth be told, I like clothes. Not in a vain way. I just think they’re fun. It’s your daily costume. But when a Polar Vortex strikes, clothes lose their fun, and the focus shifts to: I would like to keep all my toes…Is losing the feeling in my legs a bad thing?…Who needs lipstick when your lips are turning…blue?
But I am convinced that one can be warm, and not look, as a close friend of mine claimed, “like a potato.”
It would be nice if they were made for walking, but mainly they need to be waterproof. Luckily there are many cute boot options out there these days. Unfortunately, many rain boots don’t have much tread. If you are somewhere with a lot of snow, and it gets packed down, you are gonna fall down. It’s happened to me. A lot.
Not a fan of the hot pink? Try a more subtle option:
I love a scarf. I would be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t love a scarf. I especially love a scarf that is so big it could double as a blanket. Stranded in your car? Don’t worry! You have your blank-arf! Scarf-klet? I’ll work on it. And even if you are buried in a stay-puffed marshmallow-esque down coat, you can use that scarf as that spark of color in the fierce tundra. Tip: An infinity scarf will stay in one place and not require constant re-finagling when it inevitably comes undone.
Going shopping? Try this one on for size!
3) A Jaunty Hat. Or its close cousin.
100 percent of your body heat escapes through your head!* So it is important to keep the upstairs warm. Now if you are like me and “cranially endowed,” you want to go the knit cap route. But I dream of a good cloche. Also in this dream there is no such thing as hat hair. But tell me this is not beautiful:
But alas, I was born with a skull the size of a neanderthal, so we must continue to dream. Until then, cute ear warmers cover the important parts, and kind of help with the hat hair problem.
Winter is far from over, so the cold is not going anywhere any time soon. So as my move gets closer, stay tuned as I hunt down more cool cold climate coverups. Alliteration!
*That’s not true.