Monday: When you’re doing the best you can, and it’s not very good.

My afternoon meeting.

My afternoon meeting.

Friday: I tune out the world and eat my weight in steak quesadillas and guacamole and blue raspberry sour straws. If you interrupt me, I’ll throw my shoe at you.

Saturday: I run around and play! The world is my oyster! I love everyone! Let’s all high five and go to the movies!

Sunday: I get down to business. I read. I cook. I write. I do all the laundry! Don’t be intimidated. I’m just very good.

Sundays are when I am an adult.

Mondays are when I remember that I am not a real adult. Just a pretend one.

Things that have happened today:

  1. After hours of wondering why my skirt was sitting strangely and if “something was wrong with my stomach”, I realized my skirt was on backwards.
  2. I realized I was loudly singing Scottish folk songs as I walked around my building, waiting for my office to defrost after having left the window open on Friday.
  3. I made an openly confused face at a stranger who politely smiled at me. At the time, I was not singing Scottish folk songs.
  4. I got emotional watching reruns of the Great British Baking Show. (“They just love baking so much!”)
  5. Almost died after thinking “I’ll just wait to use the restroom after this meeting.” Mistake.
  6. I tucked my pajama shirt into my pajama pants to try and feel dignified. Surprisingly, it did not work.
  7. I struggled for a few minutes to eat my dinner salad before I realized I was eating with a spoon.

Monday is very good at reminding me that Sunday is a faker, but Monday is also really good at setting the bar really low for the rest of the week. Bring it on, Tuesday.*

*Tuesday, please do not bring it on. Tuesday is really good at making Monday look like a cakewalk. Your take away: Just close your eyes and wish for Wednesday! **

**Option B: fake your death. I’ll bring the ketchup.

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