Friday: I tune out the world and eat my weight in steak quesadillas and guacamole and blue raspberry sour straws. If you interrupt me, I’ll throw my shoe at you.
Saturday: I run around and play! The world is my oyster! I love everyone! Let’s all high five and go to the movies!
Sunday: I get down to business. I read. I cook. I write. I do all the laundry! Don’t be intimidated. I’m just very good.
Sundays are when I am an adult.
Mondays are when I remember that I am not a real adult. Just a pretend one.
Things that have happened today:
- After hours of wondering why my skirt was sitting strangely and if “something was wrong with my stomach”, I realized my skirt was on backwards.
- I realized I was loudly singing Scottish folk songs as I walked around my building, waiting for my office to defrost after having left the window open on Friday.
- I made an openly confused face at a stranger who politely smiled at me. At the time, I was not singing Scottish folk songs.
- I got emotional watching reruns of the Great British Baking Show. (“They just love baking so much!”)
- Almost died after thinking “I’ll just wait to use the restroom after this meeting.” Mistake.
- I tucked my pajama shirt into my pajama pants to try and feel dignified. Surprisingly, it did not work.
- I struggled for a few minutes to eat my dinner salad before I realized I was eating with a spoon.
Monday is very good at reminding me that Sunday is a faker, but Monday is also really good at setting the bar really low for the rest of the week. Bring it on, Tuesday.*
*Tuesday, please do not bring it on. Tuesday is really good at making Monday look like a cakewalk. Your take away: Just close your eyes and wish for Wednesday! **
**Option B: fake your death. I’ll bring the ketchup.