Sigh. This is the time of each week when that sinking feeling starts to creep into my stomach. My sigh-rate starts creeping upwards, and try to remember how I spent my time this weekend because for the life of me, I can’t remember Saturday happening and suddenly Monday is knocking at my door.
(Upon further examination, it happened. I spent it eating Chex Mix and watching White Christmas and all the other B-list Christmas movies that Netflix offers.)
But really, it feels like someone dared last week to see how many days it can shove into the work week. I’m serious. While the typical week has Sunday through Saturday, last week felt a little more like the following:
Monday: This feels slightly uncomfortable! Did I eat a bad hot dog?
Tuesday: Where is my Tuesday helmet? This is ridiculous. WHY DO YOU KEEP RINGING, PHONE?!
Tuesday #2: I thought we already did this. Oh, that was just the morning? Why is my eye twitching?
Tuesday #3: A special Tuesday where you think it’s Saturday, and then you remember that it is still Tuesday. And then you spill coffee on your shirt.
Wednesday: In order to fit this Wednesday into the typical week infrastructure, it has to be secured to the calendar with a system of bungee cords. If you jump just so you can feel the cords rebound.
Wednesday #2: When Wednesday startles you into the realization that it’s still here! I wonder if my officemate would be cool with open wailing?
Wednesday #3: You’re basically continuously sighing from your position lying on the floor under your desk.You’ve been there for twenty minutes, since you remembered it’s not almost-Saturday. It’s Wednesday.
Wednesday #4: STILL HERE! HAHAHA HUMP DAY JOKE!
Thursday: Thursday is squeezed into the week the same way you squeeze your frying pan into your pot cabinet in your kitchen. Throw it in there, slam the door, and run away while you listen to the distant clanging of kitchen wares falling down.
Still Thursday: You’re dead inside.
Continues to be Thursday: Tomorrow is Friday. Is it really almost Saturday? Is it happening? Is this when all your dreams come true???! If you close your eyes and think hard enough, can you touch the stars with your hopes and aspirations?!
Friday: Let’s all just keep our heads down and be quiet and not look each other in the eye. We’re almost there you guys. WE’RE SO CLOSE.
SATURDAY: Sleep for 14 hours and eat your weight in Chex Mix. Then make a new batch of Chex Mix. Then continue to eat other people’s weight in Chex Mix. Then you remember there is other food besides Chex Mix. Ponder eating that too.