Spreadable Garlic: For Fighting Spreadable Vampires


my life.

February and I have never had a great relationship.

The sheen of the new year has worn off. Winter is just hitting its stride, but between Fall and January, you’re all sweatered out. What once brought you so much joy, just makes you feel like a baked potato. Emotional death by turtleneck.

This February was no different. Winter and work joined forces. The goal? Make Meredith exhausted, while also twitchy with cabin fever. It’s a fun combination for everyone involved.

Seeing as this week brings the month of March, I wanted to get back on the blogging-horse. In other news, I would definitely pay to see a blogging horse.

That being said, let me list the things of which I am afraid:

  • Manganese deficiencies
  • Vampires
  • Smelling too good
  • Friends

Fortunately, there’s one thing that can help you battle all of these fears: Garlic

In Christina Tosi’s cookbook Milkbar Life, she includes a recipe for “Spreadable Garlic”. Brace yourself, vampires of suburban Wisconsin. Garlic can spread now.

The ingredients:

  • Five heads of garlic
  • Olive Oil
  • Salt
  • Aluminum foil
  • For the stinky brave: 3 anchovy filets
I call them my "little baby aliens" and/or Harry Potter's Tylenol.

I call them my “little baby aliens” and/or Harry Potter’s Tylenol.

  1. The recipe says, using a sharp knife, chop off the top eighth of an inch from your garlic heads. The Meredith Edit: An eighth of an inch is actually not many fractions of an inch. The later parts of the recipe will go a lot more smoothly if you chop off a little bit more. Go for half an inch. Then, place the heads on a sheet of aluminum foil.
  2. Drizzle one table spoon of olive oil over each of the bulbs, followed by a sprinkle of kosher salt.
  3. Seal the aluminum foil into a pouch, and roast for two hours at 350 degrees.
  4. Let the garlic cool slightly.

It doesn't get prettier. It does smell delicious, though.

It doesn’t get prettier. It does smell delicious, though.

This is where we need to pause and quote Tosi word for word.

Next step: “…while they are warm, pop the garlic cloves out of their skin and into an air tight container.”

Ahem. The garlic does not pop out of anything. When you only cut off the top eighth of an inch, most of the cloves are still sealed. So instead of “popping” the garlic out, one is forced to “toothpaste” the garlic out: Take the clove of garlic, grip one end to the cutting board, and using the blade of a knife, slide it to the other side of the garlic squeezing the garlic out of the first break in the skin. It’s messy and inefficient and gets so much garlic all over your hands, you’ll be forced to make up excuses like telling people that it’s the hot new thing in skin care. FYI, they won’t believe you.

The conclusion: Chop off more than an eighth at the beginning of this adventure. The top of the cloves are open, and they are much poppier.

Seasonal Affective Disorder? Throw some color at it. That’s a thing.

Possible uses for spreadable garlic:

  • Spread on a sandwich
  • Include on a meat and cheese plate
  • Stir it into your chicken salad
  • Serve on meat or fish
  • Incorporate it into a salad dressing
  • Incorporate it into your vampire fighting

The Meredith Edit: Given that this recipe is a thousand percent garlic, it makes sense that it is very garlicky.* I added three anchovy filets to my jar of spreadable garlic. It was enough salt to cut through the garlic, but not enough for the jar to smell and taste like a dock.


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