The Almost-Travel Blogger

 

#adventure #apartmentparkinglot

 
I’d love to be a travel blogger, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that.
But, probably like most people who’d like to be a travel blogger, I’m not for the following reasons:

  1. Reality – It could be student loans, family, a three-legged blind dog named Mr. Roberto, reality is real (wisdom), and you can’t always walk from that to go globe hopping.
  2. Funds – Not one person has said, “Meredith, I’d like to pay for you to be a travel blogger, and I’m thinking the first place you go is Scotland. Should we also buy you some travel shoes? And travel snacks? You’re looking too skinny. Let’s get you a travel burger!” Not one!

I’m not going to be a travel writer any time soon, so I’d like to introduce the Almost-Travel-Blogger. She’s like a travel blogger, but she doesn’t travel. She goes places, but they are usually the grocery store. She’s fine.

Things you need to be an Almost-Travel-Blogger

  • Instagram: Get yourself some filters because they are going to get a workout.
  • A patterned scarf: You’re going to want a scarf that looks like you got it somewhere cool and adventurous, but the fact is, you can’t afford travel right now. The scarf is really just from the sale section at Anthropologie. Or more likely, Target. (No joke: Target’s scarf game is strong.)
  • A travel journal: I’m just going to say it, your thoughts are going to get deep on your travels when you’re running errands, and you’re going to want to write them down. My pen of choice? Mont Blanc One I accidentally stole from work.

 

#everyfilter #allfiltersarebeautiful

 
Where does the Almost-Travel-Blogger go?

  • The grocery store
  • The gas station
  • Walgreens to get allergy medicine because she has seasonal allergies
  • Anywhere within one NPR podcast’s radius of your apartment. (Roughly 55 minutes)

Today’s excursion took me to Target. If you want to be an Almost-Travel-Blogger, there are some things you need to keep in mind, so you don’t embarrass yourself on your almost-traveling

Respect local customs

Come on, guys. You don’t want to be that person. That person who asks for the salt in a nice restaurant in Italy. The person who takes selfies in the Vatican. The person expecting everyone around you to speak English, when you are standing in Peru. The same goes for almost-traveling, and you bet your bottom loan payment that the same goes for your trips to Target.

When you go on your own almost-trip to Target, the best thing you can do when on an excursion is stop directly in the middle of the aisle and wait. What are you waiting for? Who knows! Don’t ask questions. To really seem like a native, have a cart with you, and park it sideways so it takes up the whole aisle.

If you’re worried about your waiting technique, simply lie down in the floor perpendicular to the aisle. The effect is the same. You may even be able to squeeze a nap in! If someone politely asks you to move, they’re a tourist and ignore them. OR, say, “Oh, am I in your way?” And then stay exactly where you are.

Keep your wits about you

If you’re like me, and you’re an independent female-almost-traveler, you need to keep your wits about you. Stay sharp out there, ladies!

Much like traveling, when almost-traveling, you never know who you’re going to run into. Hooligans? Probably. Marauders? Maybe! Co-workers? Always. Absolutely. You are going to run into coworkers at Target. Most likely when you are buying your clinical deodorant. Or the mega-size bag of Flaming Hot Cheetos and the subsequent box of extra strength Pepto.

My advice: Go to the scarf section first, so you have something with which to shield your other purchases when you run into Mitzy McDougal, your coworker who has straight hair and only eats almonds and radish stems. (And, since you’re an almost-traveler, you’ll need to get grab a somewhat-worldly scarf while you’re there anyway.)

Just have fun with it! 

When almost-traveling, you have to leave yourself open to surprises! Yeah, you may have been heading to Target for laundry detergent, but who’s to say you can’t stop by the dollar section when the mood strikes you? Everyone needs a small jar full of crinkled paper!

  
Who’s to stop you from driving by the books section to see if there’s a new adult coloring book that the staff recommends?!

 

Way better than “Regular Flowers.” Also with. Shorter. Sentences.

 
Why not go to the fitness section and look at yoga equipment and subsequently realize how expensive yoga equipment is and decide that you’ll just “try and walk more?”

  
 Try your hand at the face mask section and try and figure out what “Vitamin C surge” means or how “Oxygen Spa sheet masque” differs from running around with your face in the open air. Or why they spell mask as masque.

  You may think I’m being sarcastic. I am. People are ridiculous, seemingly more ridiculous at Target on a Saturday afternoon, but do I think there’s something to be said for seeing even the little things as an adventure? Sure.

So, adventure on all you Almost-Travelers. Would you rather be on your way some place exotic? Yes, but instead you get to hear the following conversation in the clothes section:

Small child to her sister: “I’m going to chop your head off!”
The Mom: “Don’t say that.”
Small child: “Why not?”
The Mom: “I don’t like it.”

Can’t argue with that!*

*Read: I can argue with that.

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