You Made it Weird: History’s Valentine’s Day

I’ll say it. I’d wear that jacket. 

I like her style. “I can clap on beat, and will date you now!”

When implementing this seduction tactic, I’ll admit, navigating bars, restaurants, or water parks can be difficult. The good news is it’s not weird and definitely works. 

A scared cherub carrying a heart on a plate that seems to be smoking? If that doesn’t say love, I’ve been saying love wrong. 

1) People don’t really go head over heels for the “I’m angry I’m alone. If you date me, I won’t be alone” tactic. 2) Try not making that face anymore.

Nothing says “love” like a cake made for a giant.

“I dropped some popcorn down my front.”

That is not where hearts belong, and you should see a doctor. Also, there’s a conch shell on the floor.

At least the other threatening valentines had a pun, but this guy has a heart that says “love” tucked into his pants, so there’s that.

It’s almost a cliche at this point. Can’t talk about love without talking about tuna!

This is actually just a picture of my apartment.

Ah. She went with the shower curtain dress. A bold choice. I would have gone with a dress made of like, cotton or potato chip bags. 

I think this is Cupid’s cry for help.

This ones just nice. I’ve got no snark for you. (Artist: Coles Phillips, 1914)

Air quotes are “hard.” Also, what’s wrong with your arm?

That’s paint, right?! It’s totally paint! Because your eyes say it may not be paint! I’d ask your sassy dog, but I think he’d just passive aggressively point out my flaws.

I like to think she’s on her way to open a candle-making cafe with her basset hound, Gloria. Her significant other didn’t appreciate the giant heart, so she’s skipping town. Or she was just really craving a good water-ski, and let’s be honest, who isn’t?

People don’t appreciate romance under threat of death. I know. It surprised me too.

Coles Phillips, y’all. Just making lovely things. (Artist: Coles Phillips, 1915)

The heart tassels really come alive when she’s yelling about how no one appreciates her heart tassels.

The difference between regular ketchup and Valentine ketchup is one tastes good on burgers and the other needs better ways to approach his anger.

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