Milwaukee Chronicles Part 2: I am a person with a hat.

Hey team. Welcome back.

It’s been awhile! Unfortunately the job that pays me takes precedence over the blog that doesn’t, but I’ve missed you guys.

Some news! And before we go any farther, let me say, this is going to be a very important blog post. This is basically breaking news.

I am now a person who owns a hat!

Milwaukee is home to local millineries, the Hen House and Brass Rooster, two connected shops that make hats for women and men respectively. After two years of perusing the hats as a curious shopper, thinking they were too expensive for that particular trip, snapping a picture for Instagram, and running out the door, on my recent birthday extravaganza, I decided it was time to make a purchase.

 

Here’s the thing. I have a complicated relationship with hats. I was born with a head that doctors would call “robust” or “expansive” or “not a normal size for a human’s head.” And while growing up, my head always seemed proportional to the rest of me, further disguised by my curly hair, it’s always been bigger than most.

 

I can’t wear hats. Most headbands give me headaches. Even the stretchy kind. I even have trouble with some headphones.

It is an incredibly common occurrence for me to be out shopping with friends, and someone says, “let’s try on hats!” And I’ll say, “I mean, you totally can, but I can’t wear hats. My head is too big.” And they’ll say, “that can’t be true. Come on. Let’s try this one on you.” And I’ll say, “I promise this won’t fit.” And then it doesn’t fit, and then they’re confused, and I stare at them with the hat perched on my head, ready to topple, and then they quietly say, “oh…I guess you’re right,” and then I throw the hat at them because I think I know the size of my own head. And then we’re all escorted out of Nordstrom Rack.

Don’t worry. We reconcile over Jamba Juice.

I have a hard time with hats, but in my many sweeps through the Milwaukee shops, I always held out that one of the men’s hats could fit me. Menswear inspired looks on women are very chic, guys. Trust me, this definitely isn’t me trying to live out a fantasy I’ve had since I was a small child.

Fantasy: wear a hat.

Note: Don’t worry. I have had other dreams as well. Like study volcanoes and do the perfect high five.

So there I was. After sitting on the floor, shamelessly talking to the shop dog, I bypassed the fabulous women’s half of the store, muting my wistful sigh, and entered the men’s half.

 

FYI, it’s pretty amazing. Hats on hats on hats. And an old organ for whimsy-reasons.

 

I stopped just short of defensively yelling, “this is what my head is!” as the gentleman manning the shop approached me.

After explaining I was in the market for a hat and I have a very large head, he quickly and graciously responded, “we have very large hats. Let’s do this.”

After cycling through some beautifully crafted hats, all still unbelievably too small, he finally brings out this guy.


And it fits. And I feel cool. And we won’t talk about the fact that it’s a fedora.

I bought the hat.

img_7848

We’ll add “face” to the list of my body parts that don’t always make sense. Also included: my 47 foot long torso

And it wasn’t till I sat down for lunch that I saw the tag.


Guys, I wear a men’s extra extra large.

Thoughts:

  • This explains so much about my life.
  • Should I be horrified?
  • Nah….my head wins!

And even if I don’t have the best venues to showcase cool-hat (its official name), as I spend most of my time going to work, going to the farmers’ market, and going to the celebrity biography section of Barnes and Noble, people need to know….

 

I am a person with a hat. Dreams do come true!

 

The inspirational lifetime story writes itself.

If you find yourself in Milwaukee, I highly recommend a visit to the Brass Rooster and the Hen House. 2252 S. Kinnickinnic Avenue, Milwaukee, WI 53207

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One thought on “Milwaukee Chronicles Part 2: I am a person with a hat.

  1. Pingback: Chipmunk-Treachery: Battling Invaders in Your Garden | Under The Parrot Umbrella

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