Signs Last Week was Rough
- You catch yourself pondering the best methods of barricading your office door with empty coffee cups and hoarded highlighters from the supply room. Answer: ditch both and use your office mate’s desk chair instead. Where will your office mate sit? He’ll stand. Sitting is bad for you. How do you get your office mate on board? Yell, “GIMME THAT DESK CHAIR! IT’S IMPORTANT!”
- Writing poetry in your head about how punching coworkers is bad (I have a small and sneaking hunch, that my coworkers, I should not punch)
- The highlight of your week was trying out a new grocery store. Things they had: a special section for gravy boats, “fashion flyswatters,” a garlic sauce called “the pink stuff,” that was bubble gum pink, very confusing, and on sale.
- You cried reading a story about Obama calling one of his staffers when her cat died to express his condolences. 1) To my credit, it was a lovely, heartfelt story about a president being kind, and we haven’t had one of those in awhile; 2) the book was Who Thought This Was a Good Idea by Alyssa Mastromonaco, and if you’re a woman in any leadership role, I think you should read it; and 3) I don’t even like cats very much. That’s how lovely this story was.
- By the end of the week, every time your work phone rang, you yelled a prolonged, “NOOOO!”
Ways to make next week better
- Wear the brightest outfits you own. When I wear bright colors, it usually forces my mood to rise to the occasion. (Actual thing I have yelled: “It’s yellow-sweater-Tuesday, dummies! Let’s do this!”) Best case scenario: you look delightful, and are in a great mood. Worst case scenario: you’re not boring!
- Unplug your phone! Let me explain. When it is unplugged, it cannot ring. And I like that very much. (I promise I’m a hard worker, but people tend to call when they want things. No one is calling me to ask how many red starbursts I want or tell me facts about manatees. Let them come to my office. 1) That shows persistence, and 2) I’d like to see them try and get through the office-chair barricade.)
- Write mental poetry about all your accomplishments! (When in grad school, my tests I passed-ers, and now I have a shiny masters!)
- Find a box full of money. Always my solution for everything. Also, I call dibs on any boxes full of money you guys find. I called dibs. You can’t argue with that.