The Cutting Room Floor


I go through periods with this blog where, for the life of me, I can’t think of something to write. Or I can, but the ideas never quite grow legs.

Leg-growing is hard. Just ask a starfish.

I usually blame work for my writing ills. As a matter of fact, I blame work for all my ills, as well as everyone else’s ills. And ills that haven’t happened yet. It probably has a hand in those ills too. It’s like, “Work! Cool it with the ills!” And it’s not listening because it’s out creating more ills.

In these periods, where ideas can’t quite build the steam needed to make it to prime time, the cutting room floor gets pretty cluttered. And it’s a problem because that’s also where I keep my scarves. And my shoes. And my celebrity biographies.

And my hopes and dreams.

So in an effort to tidy up a little bit, here are the ideas that I keep tripping over.

  1. Ills for which work is responsible. My teeth-grinding, climate change, Pompeii, my bad knees, the sneaker I can’t find, my Crohns Disease, the assassination of Julius Cesar, the dishwasher that needs loading, the dishwasher that needs unloading, male pattern baldness, Crocs
  2. Opinion Piece: Murder is Bad. Guys, don’t do it.
  3. Signs to hang on my office door to make my coworkers go away. “I have contracted leprosy. It’s a real bummer. You better not come in here. But really, don’t come in here.”
  4. Anchovies! I promise they’re good. I know you may be thinking, “no. They’re not.” But have you considered that I’m right?
  5. Songs I scream-sing when running to the car after work on Fridays.  The list currently consists of “It’s my Life” by Bon Jovi and “King of New York” from Newsies on repeat.
  6. Aliases I could adopt when I start my new life as a candle-maker. Louisa McNotontheRun. She marries a baker, likes to play pinochle, and collects commemorative spoons. And she has no loans she has to pay back. Also, people like to give her burritos.
  7. Ways to make people give me burritos. Ask nicely? Make it a part of an elaborate scavenger hunt? Create an “Uber, but for burritos” company and as the owner, I have easy access to free burritos?
  8. Radishes. Victims of their reputation? Let’s get into it.
  9. Just how majestic was 80s Patrick Swayze’s hair? Answer: Very majestic. Also, I’m watching Road House. I’d point out problems with the plot, but I’m too lost in Patrick Swayze’s eyes.

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