This week I was explaining to my friend my current exercise regiment. It takes a little backstory: You see, I work at an astoundingly large company, and live ten minutes away from that astoundingly large company. It stands to reason, my apartment complex is riddled with people I recognize from work. They’re nice people, but I do not want to run into them at the gym. If I see coworkers at the gym, they will see me sweat. They will see the jiggling. And because I am Southern, I will feel compelled to talk to them despite my introvert-inner monologue yelling, “JUST GO HOME!”
So instead of subjecting both parties to those interactions, I sequester my exercising to my apartment. I bought an aerobic step. I bought hand weights. I bought fun workout clothes. I’m very excellent at buying things.
These are the workout clothes I purchased.
I’m just so bad at working out. About ten minutes in, I start thinking, “why have I done this to myself? This is the WORST THING YOU’VE EVER HAD TO DO!” After explaining this to a friend (who also happens to be a coworker! I don’t live under a rock all the time), she gave me the advice, “you just have to find the activity that gets you moving. If you like to garden, garden. If you like to vacuum, vacuum like crazy.” This is pretty good advice, but what if the thing you like doing is sitting down with three fans pointed directly at you while you read a book? “….Well, then you monitor your food intake.”
Given how much I like salt & vinegar potato chips and cheeseburgers, I decided to mull over this exercise lark. So here is my list, guys. The things that get me moving:
– I see someone from high school in the grocery store. Flying-leap into the spices aisle!
– Someone said, “space isn’t that cool,” and I have to explain why it is. Stand back, because explaining-arms are flailing-arms. (FYI, space is the coolest.)
– Someone played “Minute without You” by Hansen
– Winter in Wisconsin. (I’ve never wasted more time walking around a grocery store than delaying the walk across the parking lot to my car.)
– I forgot to set my alarm in the morning.
– A bee
For now, it is summer, and I have not mastered my powers of harnessing bees. The majority of people from high school live in North Carolina, and most people, thanks to Bill Nye, realize that space is as cool as it gets (I mean, asteroids, right?!). I guess I must continue to exercise the old fashioned way: working hard and remembering deodorant.